So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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