my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize