I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
