I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
What drink are we having for lunch?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
