Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
