my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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