Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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