I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
