Me. At least after what I've been through.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
