Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
