You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
