no, he came in my armpit
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
