I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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