I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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