i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
