just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize