We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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