at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
