my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
