What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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