She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
