You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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