Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize