Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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