Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He better not be in your backpack
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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