ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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