i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
