where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
