I was born with a shot glass in my hand
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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