Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So many bounce houses so little time
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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