How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
