I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
