You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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