this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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