my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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