I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
