soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize