Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
