I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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