Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
