mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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