We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
