idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
