She announced her abortion via fbk
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
