Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
