Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize