Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
