kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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