Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
