Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
