He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
