I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
