This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
