the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
