Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
