I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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