Swine flu is the new snow day.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
