well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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