all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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