Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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