He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
