We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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