I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
