On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
